The emptiness of hating school 3#

I’m looking around in this last ever French lesson and I’m wondering; when was the last time I didn’t cry myself to sleep and woke up not wishing I was dead? When was the last time I spoke to someone, this inner silence within me has harboured into a deep resentment, which has deluded me into thinking everyone hates me. It’s turned into an anger I can’t conceal. I hate everyone. Everyone so easily talks and gets through the school day without severe anxiety. I can barely walk through a classroom without anxiety attacks. I can hardly get myself out of bed in the morning and get onto the bus. Everyone else finds it so natural to talk I can’t open my mouth and say a word. The sad reality is I should have dropped out of school months ago. I obviously wasn’t willing to get help. How could I go from being a good student to a crumbling mess unable to get into school? Whatever the fuck has happened here has ruined my life. This sadness inside of me is like water I’ve been drowning in. 


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