The emptiness of hating school 3#

I’m looking around in this last ever French lesson and I’m wondering; when was the last time I didn’t cry myself to sleep and woke up not wishing I was dead? When was the last time I spoke to someone, this inner silence within me has harboured into a deep resentment, which has deluded me into thinking everyone hates me. It’s turned into an anger I can’t conceal. I hate everyone. Everyone so easily talks and gets through the school day without severe anxiety. I can barely walk through a classroom without anxiety attacks. I can hardly get myself out of bed in the morning and get onto the bus. Everyone else finds it so natural to talk I can’t open my mouth and say a word. The sad reality is I should have dropped out of school months ago. I obviously wasn’t willing to get help. How could I go from being a good student to a crumbling mess unable to get into school? Whatever the fuck has happened here has ruined my life. This sadness inside of me is like water I’ve been drowning in. 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s