When did it all become so much hassle? Wasn’t it supposed to be easy, natural? Never been the kind of person who feels the need to have friends and I hate that this environment is making me want that, like when I was at school and normally I would have been content to be alone all day, it’s normal for me to feel that way. Feel out cold when I’m with my friends, alone, awkward and depressed, when I go back to this house I feel the same way too, it’s persistent, never ending. Why haven’ things changed by now? I thought I would have moved on by now, still stuck in this trap it’s not good somehow. Everyday, I am reminded of what I did, it eats away at me, bit by bit. How could I ever do that to another person? The reality is I did. Damaged her beyond repair, made her feel so alone and scared. That poor girl, so innocent, so young, damaged beyond repair and I did that to another human being. When did I become devoid of emotion, guilt? These are the consequences of consciously ruining another person’s life. She was a teenager only starting life, after being disregarded a few times by someone who I like. I can see how my mind games fucker her up, badly harmed her relationships and her mental health, I should have left before I caused any more damage, but I made the decision not to. It should have been the happiest years of her life, I took those from her, how could I? When you are fucked up, your life becomes 50 shades of fucked up.