50 shades of fucked up 2#

Day after day I lie to my friends right to their faces, I don’t even have to make anything up, luckily they show no interest in my daily life routine, thank goodness! That still doesn’t change the fact it’s not reality. It’s reality that doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel normal this way of life, it doesn’t feel me and I don’t know who I am becoming anymore. I don’t want to be the grumpy faced dog that does nothing with her life, that sits there like a sloth, achieving nothing all the time. I don’t want to be the person with the get up and go, the one show always enthusiastic even in French lessons. Come on, I mean “Hello?!!” I don’t want to be the eager beaver, always answering every question, with my hand in the air, like school is the Bafta’s when it’s just lame. I want to be the person I used to be, enjoying school, with my nice little clique of friends to talk to. The reality is I sit there in silence, alone, miserable and afraid it is going to continue. I think this so much, that it does continue, day after day, month after month, until I’ve finally opened my eyes and it has been nine whole months. What have I even been doing this past year? I should have been having fun with my friends, enjoying history lessons, not just sat there, waiting for anything to happen. I cannot believe things have stooped this low, to the point where I’m not even enjoying history anymore. I go to sleep every night wishing that my dreams were reality, and that my reality is a dream, this is no way to live your life. Wake up, wake up!!!! What is wrong with you? I’m 50 shades of fucked up.

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