Wishes

I walk through this tunnel alone, I am too scared to walk into this room, where my whole family are. I wish I could do it I wish it was easy. I wish I could say I was sorry to you! It burns in ┬ámy hear that I cannot! It’s the anxiety making me mute! It’s not me wanting to be this way. I wish you could understand! Read my mind! Feel the fear consuming me, eating me, destroying my life. You look at me and you think I am stuck up. You think I want to be this way! I long to make you see, what it is like to not be able to do the simple things that other people take advantage of. I am thankful that God gave me life and everything. Anxiety has ruined any chance of us being reunited, for that I am most sorry of all.

FUCKING SHITTING MYSELF

I dom’t know what to do, should I go back and face my fears? I am trying to overcome them, before I go back but won’t be able to access the services in time. I am so afraid, my first term last year didn’t go how I thought it would at all. i was lucky second semester 4 such great girls. What am I going to do without them??? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being a crazy fangirl

The way I get excited when I see your face on the television screen, or hear your name on the radio, it fills me with joy and elation. I always scream or at least on the inside because I am so excited to see your face! How can other people not feel this way about you, the way I do? It is so natural for me to just love you, perhaps it is beyond idolising, Most people don’t understand it, what the big deal is, they just think I’m crazy. It’s so funny because I think they are crazy for not seeing how great you are, everyone else thinks I’m the weird one, so strange to me, I just don’t get it. Being a crazy fangirl is awesome though, it is like seeing another world, which is better than the boring reality of mundane life. It is fun and entertaining, always amusing and time consuming to adore someone on such a high level.

Apologies letter

I am so ashamed and feel really guilty, I cannot believe this happened again. You turned your back on me so I made the decision to stay away from you forever. Now all of a sudden you want to know what is going on in my life. I am sorry but it is too late for that now. I am too messed up and I am changed forever. No amount of praying to God makes the way I acted acceptable, absolutely without a doubt, I acted in a disgusting way, which makes me a bad person. I could try to seek redemption through believing in God, I believe it because I know it to be true. However, that doesn’t mean I can use my belief in God to justify the way I behaved, it was not right and never will be. I injured all of your friends, I caused them so much harm (1 in particular) I wish everyday, I had either just left the place or got taught at home but this wasn’t the case. I should have tried to make things right, but I was too much of a coward to do it, this should demonstrate to you what kind of nasty, evil person I am now. No longer the good little Christian girl i once was, and thought I could have been, I am different now. You have got it wrong, if you think I want to hurt you how I hurt other people, it will never be ok. I couldn’t brush it off and be like it’s fine, it’s not. It happens over and over again, I try my hardest to not do it but no matter what it always occurs, I just I can’t be that person, I mean I am, but I cannot do it to you, it’s just too much, and I can’t………. I hope you can understand.

A letter from a regretful person

How to make a boy you fancy hate you 1#

Ensure that every time he tries to talk to you, you completely disregard him so he thinks you are a stuck up bitch. Don’t demonstrate any remorse or apologise for your behaviour towards them. They then avoid you like you have the plague for months, but show no signs of noticing hem so he aminosity continues onwards.

Anxious girl 1#

Too scared I was today to go to class, I was worried everyone would look at me when I walk in the room and see me sitting all alone, what a weirdo. All year everyday I have been in tears everyday trying to see things how I used to. I don’t even understand what happened, before it always was fine. Too long I spent away from here and now an irrational fear has taken place of my normally rational mind. Everybody here hates me, yet here I sit alone, silent, upset and hurt, it is hard to get through the door. I can’t really anymore so I decided it’s easier to stay away from here, this is not normal, I don’t really want to feel this way, yet I do. It is hard to understand why I felt this way, trust me I really don’t want to.