How to get through this feeling of sadness and misery I am clouded under. I acted some way in the past that I really regret and I think about it all the time, all the pain and despair I caused that person. The loneliness and sense of uncertainty I put them through, is all because of me and my unfair ways. All I am of thinking is of myself, but why did I never think of you and how I made you feel. To have been this way truly makes me a bad person and that is what I am now, what happened to the good little girl I once was? She is forever lost.
It so awkward between us now you won’t even make eye contact with me, it is so strange we used to be so close and now we are so distant we refuse to even acknowlegde each other. It hurts me that you all made the effort together but not one of you tried with me. Did you ever consider how I felt? The only one alone and new in this class whilst you were all together carrying on your relationships as well as new ones. Well know now that I have had to make new one’s and been left out so I will never want to reconcile with you guys again. I feel this happened to me twice.
Benedict licked my vagina rigorously and he put his dick in my mouth and I swallowed all his sperm. He then kissed me on the mouth and rolled it round my neck and stroked my thighs up and down. He then sprayed come all down my stomach and kissed me all the way down my body which I enjoyed immensely.
He let me lick him all over his face and he licked mine. He stroked my thighs all hard until i was turned on and then we made love on the floor.
Now it feels so long ago I have no happy memories to take away from it. When I remember it I think of a blank sheet which was my life. When people ask me questions about it I nervously laugh, I don’t know how I am supposed to respond. .In the future when people do I won’t have anything to contribute I will just have to not reply. It has creeped me out how easy and yet how hard it has been to get over this. I feel no guilt shame or remorse anymore which is a relief. I have tried my best to make amends and that is what helped obliterate those feelings. It is going to be great to get away from the bad memories that I have, but how I wish they had been good memories to retain, and not ones that I long to forget.
I woke up today gagging for it I had Dreams last night that I finally had a cock inside my vagina. I just want a guy to ravage me with their penis and come inside me. I had this crazy idea today that I would save £20 for a prostitute, at least I wouldn’t be a Virgin any more after the deed. Then I remembered that sex is between two people in a relationship and that I wouldn’t feel special afterwards. It all has to mean something. How I cannot wait for a guy to give me an orgasm. I just want to get a new experience. It’s like a permanent taste in my mouth, I always want it.
What am I even doing anymore? I sneak around like a lying little bore. Get your act together people want to see the real you don’t act as though they are beneath you. Your not trying hard enough to fit in and be a part of this life. You would be much happier if you just relaxed and lived your life. Your not doing yourself any favours sitting alone, integrate with the others be a part of this unit. You are upset because something awful happened but no one cares about that they just want to help you out. It is gonna be impossible to come back to this place because the relationships you should have formed have not even made. Dry your tears and get a grip because they want to know you exist. Distancing yourself is making you unhappy so be in the group and be flipping happy.